A_HOLE.WAV Dr. Evil: [CLICK] " shot me you a-hole!" [CLICK] 15.1kb
ATEABABY.WAV Fat Bastard: "I ate a baby! Oh the other OTHER white meat! Baby: it's what's for dinner!" 25kb
BABYRIBS.WAV Fat Bastard singing Chili's "I Want My Baby Back Ribs." 33.6kb
BADTHING.WAV Austin: "Smashing, baby. Then we can track down Fat Bastard, get my mojo, go back to my place, hop on the good foot and do the bad thing." 19.6kb
BAGCHIPS.WAV Dr. Evil: "You ain't all that and a bag of potato chips." 6.75kb
BIGBOY.WAV Dr. Evil: " Scott...daddy's working, okay? And when you're in the main chamber try and use the big boy voice, okay? Thank you." 23kb
BIGDOPE.WAV Dr. Evil: "As you know; every diabolical scheme that I have hatched has been thwarted by Austin Powers. And why is that ladies and gentlemen?"  
Scott: "Cause you never kill him when you get the chance to, and you're a big dope."
CHAIR.WAV Dr. Evil: "All I asked for was a frickin' rotating chair, okay? Whoa, okay. Okay, okay, okay...getting a little afraid. I need an old priest and a young priest. The power of Christ compels you! The power of Christ compels you!..." 77.3kb
Ivana: "When did you get the clapper?"  
Austin: "November, 1964...Dutch East Indies...shore leave."
CLONED.WAV Number Two: "Dr. Evil, while you were frozen, we began a program to clone you."  
Dr. Evil: "Cool."  
Frau: "Send in the CLONE!"  
Number Two: He is exactly like you in every way...except one-eighth your size."
COFESHIT.WAV Austin: "This coffee smells like shit!"  
Basil: "It IS shit, Austin!"  
Austin: "Oh good, then it's not just me. [SIP, PAUSE] It's a bit nutty."
CORNCRAP.WAV Fat Bastard: "Jesus Christ, he's tiny! I've had bigger chunks of corn in my crap!" 19.6kb
CRAPDECK.WAV Fat Bastard: "I've got a crap on deck that could choke a donkey.'s squinchy!" 18.6kb
CROSEYED.WAV Austin: "Wait a tick. Basil, if I traveled back to 1969 and I was frozen in 1967, presumably, I could go visit my frozen self. But, if I'm still frozen in 1967, how could I have been unthawed in the nineties and traveled back to...oh no, I've gone cross-eyed." 39.5kb
CRZYMOFO.WAV Dr. Evil: "Don't mess with me. I'm one crazy mo'fo. I had to pop a cop 'cause he wasn't givin' me my 'props in Oaktown. No? I heard that somewhere." 21.2kb
DEADSEXY.WAV Fat Bastard: "I'm rich and I'm dead sexy!" [VARIOUS MOANS AND GROANS] 28.3kb
DETHSTAR.WAV Dr. Evil: "You see, I've turned the moon into what I like to call: a 'Death Star."  
Scott: [CHUCKLE]  
Dr. Evil: "What?"  
Scott: "Naw, nuthin', Darth."  
Dr. Evil: "What did you call me?"  
Scott: "Naw, nuthin'...RIP OFF!"  
Dr. Evil: "Bless you."
DICK.WAV All about a huge...rocket. 106kb
DIETEVIL.WAV Dr. Evil: "You're quasi-evil.You're semi-evil. You're the margarine of evil. You're the Diet Coke of evil. Just one calorie, not evil enough." 27.5kb
EATMINI.WAV Fat Bastard: "Wait a minute...he kinda looks like a baby. C'mere, I'm gonna eat ya! I'm bigger than you. I'm higher on the food chain! Get in my belly...c'mon!" 43.3kb
EVILCHRM.WAV Dr. Evil: "Charming." 3.44kb
EVILLAFF.WAV The Dr.Evil laugh. 34.4kb
EVILRITE.WAV Dr. Evil: "Right..." 4.97kb
FATBSTRD.WAV Dr. Evil: "He's a disgruntled Scottish guard known for his lethal temper and his unusual eating habits. He weighs a metric ton. His name: Fat Bastard."  27kb
FBFARTED.WAV Fat Bastard: [FLATULENCE] "Sorry...I farted." 17.6kb
FBUNHAPY.WAV Felicity: "You didn't answer my question...are you happy?"  
Fat Bastard: "Course I'm no happy! Look at me, I'm a big fat slob! I've got bigger titties than you do! I've got more chins than a Chinese phone book! I've not seen my willy in two years, which is long enough to declare legally dead!"
FEMBOT.WAV Austin: "Oh my God! Vanessa, you're a Fembot!"  
Vanessa (Fembot): "No shit, Sherlock."
FLOATER.WAV Austin: "Oh my God! Fat Bastard left a floater!" 12.5kb
GETUAP.WAV Dr. Evil: "I'm gonna get you, Austin Powers. I'm gonna get you! [DR. EVIL AND MINI-ME IN UNISON] MUHAHAHA, MUHAHAHAH, MUHAHAHA!" 29.3kb
GIRLFRND.WAV Dr. Evil: "Don't go there, girlfriend...[FINGER SNAP] mmhmm." 7.25kb
GONNACRY.WAV Dr. Evil: "Huh, you wanna be daddy, is that it? Number Two, you wanna wear the daddy pants? Huh, you gonna cry...? 49.1kb
GRRBABY.WAV Austin: "Grrr, baby! Very grr!" 7.51kb
HUMPLAZR.WAV Dr. Evil: "Mini-Me, heh, stop humping the laser, heh heh. Okay, honest to God. Why don't you and the giant laser get a frickin' room for Godsakes." 27.5kb
HUNGRY.WAV Dr. Evil: "Mini-Me, are you hungry? Something to eat? Not even a Hot Pocket? An Eggo? No, no, we don't gnaw on our kitty. Leave min-noo...leave Mini-Mr. Bigglesworth alone. Just love him...stroke him." 24.7kb
IDIOT.WAV Scott: "You're an idiot." 3.19kb
INEPT.WAV Scott: "Great plan, Einstein. Well you're gonna put in a cell with one inept guard and they'll escape! God, you do this every time!" 25kb
IVANA.WAV Austin: "Who are you, baby?"   
Ivana: "Ivana, Ivana Humpalot."   
Austin: "S'cuse me?"   
Ivana: "Ivana Humpalot."  
Austin: "And I want a toilet made out of solid gold but its just not in the cards now, is it?"
JERRY1.WAV Jerry Springer: "If you just joined us, today's topic is: 'My Father Is Evil And He Wants To Take Over The World." 16.3kb
JERRY2.WAV Jerry Springer: "Hi, Scott, been nice to have you with us. Uh, tell us about your father."  
Scott: "Um, well, my dad is the head of a worldwide evil organization with, uh, aspirations of world domination [CROWD BOOS]."
JERRY3.WAV Jerry Springer: "Wow, pretty serious stuff. Where is he now?"  
Scott: "Um, he's like, cryogenically frozen orbiting the Earth or somethin'."  
Jerry Springer: "That's what you think. But, we have a surprise for you, Scott. Okay, let's bring out Scott's father, Dr. Evil! [CROWD BOOS]"
JERRY4.WAV Dr. Evil: "Hello, Scott. Daddy's back."  
Scott: "How could you do this to me...on national television?!"  
Dr. Evil: "Well throw me a frickin' bone here, Scott."
JERYFITE.WAV Dr. Evil VS. Jerry Springer. 66.4kb
JUDOCHOP.WAV Felicity: "Juudo CHOP!"  
Fat Bastard: "OHHH- right in the mommy-daddy button!"
KAMIKAZE.WAV Dr. Evil: "Here's your wedding present, Mr. Powers; a kamikaze bride from me, Dr. Evil." 16.3kb
KRMASTRA.WAV Austin: "Why don't we shag."  
Vanessa: "Again?"  
Austin: "Sure, baby! We're only up to chapter eleven in the Karma Sutra. Doncha wanna try the 'Wheel Barrow' or the 'Praying Donkey' or 'The Chinese Shag Swing?"
LEGBROKN.WAV Mustafa: "Hello up there! I seem to have fallen down a cliff. I'm still alive, but I'm very badly injured. I think my legs might be broken but I'll try to stand up...[CRACK]..." 88kb
LOSTMOJO.WAV Austin: "Croikee! I've lost my mojo!" 15.6kb
LOWER.WAV Austin: "How does that feel, baby?"  
Felicity: "Mmm, lower."  
Austin: [IN DEEP VOICE] "How does that feel, baby?"
MACHNGUN.WAV Austin: "Machine gun jubblies! How did I miss those, baby?" 11.3kb
MCGUIRE.WAV Dr. Evil: "Show me the money." 
The President: "Show you what money?" 
Dr. Evil: "Show me the money, show me the money! You had me at hello...tear...nothing?" 
Scott: "It's 1969. Jerry McGuire won't even come out for another thirty years. Nobody knows what you're talking about...ass."
MINIME.WAV Dr. Evil: "I shall call him 'Mini-Me." 26kb
MOJO.WAV Dr. Evil: "Austin Powers always defeats me because he has...Mojo." 
Number Two: "Mojo?" 
Dr. Evil: "Mojo. The libido, the life-force, the essence, the right stuff. What the French call a certain...'I Don't Know What."
MYIMAGE.WAV Dr. Evil: "I already had someone created in my image. He's evil, he wants to take over the world and he fits easily into most overhead storage bins." 21.7kb
NOSCOTT.WAV Scott: "If you have a time machine, why don't you just go back and kill Austin Powers while he's sitting on the crapper or something?" 
Dr. Evil: "How about NO, Scott, okay?"
PARSONS.WAV Dr. Evil: "Anyways, the key to this plan is the giant laser. It was invented by the noted Cambridge physicist; Dr. Parsons, therefore we shall call it the 'Alan Parsons Project..." 69.4kb
PENIS.WAV More about that giant...rocket. 125kb
RANDY.WAV Austin: "Do I make you horny, baby. Do I? Do I make you randy?! Yeah? 20.3kb
REALLAZR.WAV Dr. Evil: "Well actually that was just footage from the move 'Independence Day.' But the real laser would be a lot like that...yeah...scary." 23.5kb
ROADKILL.WAV Scott: "Dad, he put this in my bed!" 
Dr. Evil: "Who?" 
Scott: "Your stupid...Mini-You! He put roadkill in my sheets!" 
SEXYCRAP.WAV Fat Bastard: "Oh is that all the thanks I get for the night of hot sex? I'm dead sexy. You were crap!" 23kb
SEXYMAN.WAV Fat Bastard: "Well surprise, surprise, huh?! Look at that now, huh? I'm dead sexy! Look at my sexy body. Oh yeah, oh look at, I'm like a singer. [SINGING TO THE TUNE OF THE ORGINAL 'SPIDERMAN' THEME SONG] 'Sexy man, sexy man! Eating like a sexy man can!" 50.1kb
SHDOTCOM.WAV Dr. Evil: "WWW, shh, dot com, dot org." 19.9kb
SMOKESEX.WAV Vanessa: "Do you smoke after sex?" 
Austin: "I dunno, baby, I never looked."
SWALLOWS.WAV Robin Swallows: "My name is Robin Swallows." 
Austin: "Swallows...that's an interesting name." 
Robin Swallows: "Maiden name; 'Spitz."
SWINGER.WAV Robin Swallows: "Tell me, Mr. Powers, do you swing?" 
Austin: "Are you kidding, baby? I put the 'GRR' in swinger, baby!"
SXYBITCH.WAV Austin: "Can I borrow that, please? [SHOOTING PHOTOS] Thank you. Yes, Austin, yes, yes. Look at me, I'm a sexy bitch, baby, yeah. You're a popsicle, yes. NO, NO! Huh huh huh, and I'm spent." 33.4kb
SXYBTCH2.WAV Austin: "I am a sexy bitch, yes." 10.5kb
TALKHAND.WAV Dr. Evil: "Talk to the hand, 'cause the face don't wanna hear it anymore." 7.76kb
TRILLION.WAV Dr. Evil: "Why make trillions when we could make...billions?" 
Scott: "A trillion is more than a billion, numbnuts."
TURNEDON.WAV Dr. Evil: "Ladies and gentlemen, I'm about to travel through time, I bid you adieu. [SLAMS INTO TIME MACHINE] *OOF!* I'm okay, I'm okay. Not turned on I suppose." 44.5kb
TURTLHED.WAV Fat Bastard: "First thing's first! Where's your shitter? I've got a turtle head pokin' out." 17.1kb
UNIBRAU.WAV Frau: "I have come to embrace the love that dare not speak it's name. To my right is my lover. We met at the LPGA tour. Her name is Unibrau." 26kb
URFATHER.WAV Dr. Evil: "Austin...I am your father." 
Austin: "Really?" 
Dr. Evil: "No, not really. I can't back that up."
UVHADFAT.WAV Fat Bastard: "Listen, missy. Do you fancy another go? 'Cause once you've had fat you never go back! HAHAHA!" 21.7kb
WERSEXY.WAV Austin: "Wait a tick, who are you?" 
Austin from ten minutes from now: "I'm you ten minutes from now." 
Austin: "Dammit, you are handsome!" 
Austin from ten minutes from now: "I was just thinking the same." 
Austin: "We are sexy! We are sexy bitches, yeah!"
ZIPIT.WAV Probably the funniest piece of dialogue in the entire movie...Dr. Evil telling Scott to zip it. 97.3kb